crush over a picture.

I smiled furiously ,to this young guy but had an old soul,closed-eyed singing with such passion with guitar on his knees.He's nothing special when you look at this broke musician,that performing local shows with just a jeans and a tshirt and a messy hair like he's just woke up from bed.Still,his voice that sounds like he got a sore throat,and a wondering lyrics that he gets maybe from strolling around a streets observing people's act,though sometimes he just crapping in his lyrics,and chuckled with his scottish accent and smoke his last cigarette,showing how much calm person he is.Why,why i eager to this kind of person again to straightly said "it's alright',with a calm voice,patting me to make me feel good after i cried sobbingly.

Get over it,Khairunnisa..geez.

Apology.

I just made someone cursing over my inbox message,i can see his anger.And i actually didnt realize it.I'm deeply sorry,i'm just a weak human that make mistakes hoping that this two words would change his anger and hateful towards me.As a friend,i admit my mistakes.
I'm sorry.

million faces.

I finally seen the world after a week being a hikikimori,with my lenses,a long sleeve hoody,a jeans,a sneaker,and my lucky charm necklace that has a K wood's carve.Step onto the simen ground,flared my nostrils to breathe the fresh morning air,and smiling over myself to the sunlight that shone over my hair.

heading toward's old friend's place that have lost contact almost 1 year.Ackwardness and silenceness surround myself as if this person is a stranger to me who i found in the middle of a streets,i must don't have a face because for a sudden shamelessly asked to go together.I hope she didnt mind my ignorance.

These faces i'm meeting that have registered in my crowded brain since i was primary school.I'm just a bit lost in this social gathering,with aida's absentness,she's like my lucky charm that strenghten my confidence.And of course those taking picture time is a must.I just look pale and colorless in my picture ,and if i smile hard these fluffy cheeks will risen up like a chubby-kid smiling furiously over a Bigmac.

We talk a lot and gossip haha.she still her old self not a bit change though i did think she change a bit but my thoughts have made a false conclusion.She tells other's life,that leading a luxurious and easy life,they didnt do anything really just borned into a rich mom's womb,and demand so much.I just silently envy having whatever they want with just a blink of an eye,still they argue with their parents though eventhough their parents poured so much love into them.Just imagine you were in my shoes,parents didnt actually care,sweating and crave for the thing i want,friendless in my life and having people's acceptance.There's more ahead.


This person,confessing her life that bothering her,felt like she should end it.Seeing her eyes like i've just seen a clear glasses,i understand her,felt like i was in her shoe.Life is not a bed of roses,my dear.Sadness and trouble may locked our soul,feeling as if we're not leading this so called life.I wish to make the sad faces lits with colours and a bright emotion on it.Stay your faith,no matter how hard this journey is,no matter what obstacle are facing us like a big stone rolling just inches of us.Be strong.

unchased dream.

Cool ,hmm i love to do that someday.

Breathe.

Finally,all those thing that stuck in my mind burned to ashes.I learn something and treasured in myself,just vomit the words ,that disturbing thing that stuck in my mind,and let it out ,just let they know even if it's hurtful,you're being ackwardly honest,and that's a key to get out from confuseness,a key to get out from this damn cage.I can't believe i actually believe my own friend had enganged,and i can't believe my PMS betrayed me and think dump stuff.Your loosen my sanity,dear PMS btch.

I asked my mother,she deserves to know about my plan.With a stuck voices,I confessed my desire.She scolded angrily to me,with a wide eyes,and deniable voices.I expected this.
I can't have my own wings,i'm trapped with her invincible fences.Seeing people going all over the world,with a happy emotion in their.I'm just stuck.

Get over it,my ears or my eyes can't hold anymore for the Twilightfangirl who screams for Edward or Jacob like a machine or just a thriller character that chased by a psychopath killer.You should enjoy more the movie or the arts of the literature in it,girls.No offensive,i'm just saying.



Paolo Nutini,singer-songwriter.I can't get my eyes on him when his music video Last Request,and his voice,so mesmerizing.Now i am being fangirl now.

Give back my sanity.

I felt like drowning myself now,or just knocking my head on the floor,to end this confuseness,to end this massive in my head as if I was in a circle of those policemen that walk around the circle,asking for admitation by my guiltness.Everything odd,unexpected,unordinary possess my soul and mind.I need a key to get out from this cage,i need a clean,freedom air from a dark and trapped used air.I need a proof to end up my misery in this puzzle.

I'm so emo right now,with PMS i'm carrying around in this body.With a shocking fact,and a unconformation invitation.I can't rest my case,nor even closed my eye,if i close it i will dream what i am having now.The confuseness,and i woke up feeling stress and disoriented,can't accept that fact ,that i had to carry those like a heavy crachet that can never broke,nor seal.

Give back my sanity.

Sleeping beauty.

I tried to dream today,i somehow force myself to stop the energy flow in this body,this head drown in unconsciousness.My soul been take from my body temporary,like he said.I failed again somehow.No dream,no illusion,nothing.Ahh where that pretty boys that i had in my dream long,long ago.Where I sat in a green pavement,with the wind brushing my hair,and there he go,so vivid and real.I woke up feeling frustrated,my hope just die.I'm being lunatic again.


He who said the phrase,that any boys or man wouldnt say that to me.My first ever phrase,i was speechless .Eventhough I can sense it from the start.Hmm,i don't want to faint your heart because you're being too nice to me more like my brother or a friend.This heart doesnt beat too long,i guess no one to beat it back somehow.But just watch and see,how far this will go on,it just fate can tell the ending.So chill out :)
He is like an open book,who freely gave his knowleadge to me , his words stung me and opened my eyes for the first time."Life is simple" is what he said ,just follow the simple rules and we'll be at the heaven.


I keep lefting my prayers lately,and doing back my habit again.This devilish voices somehow whisper to me and posses me ,slowly rotten me like i'm an orange that's got rotten little by little by bacteria that spreading it's illness.
Dear God,please washes my ugly sides that somehow will conquer and contage me.