wondrous.

"Dan bila kau tiba aku hilang dari kewujudan/And when you appeared,i lost my existence"

The words lingered in mind,,lefting me wondering ,i do have this kind of feeling but to whom?
My days passed lifelessly.Wihout much livedly i undulge myself in my dreamless sleep,where i just lay like a corpse.I'm at the place i'm forced to live in,it's like a faint and lifeless feeling whenever i set my foot on this place,it's like i've been cursed or something.Not to mention,i have to lived 13 months more in this place.

I was at the back at my mom's car,she talked about college and finance with my brother.Like always,i'm not my parent's first priority.I was gazing to the village scene outside the window while listening to an acoustic music,with my heavy eyelids.Wondering something that crossed my imagination line.

I'm freakingly lifeless.

re-lived.

I'm reading again a psychological type of manga,with many tabs rowed in the browser of the internet-window,6.12 am.Oh where's the takbir raya?i havent hear it yet.
I stalked many people in nets,trying to look beautiful at once picture,hmm a typical teenage who just want to get noticed i thought.What do they get in return anyway,how boring.I don't have a clue why,i want to bury a feeling that is something not-common,unique or just extraordinary.

I watched 2012,with a shivering emotion,tighten my grip to handle my fearness,with a teary eyes.I'm afraid of the end,the sins that i commited so far,the separation from the love ones.The individuality to confront God,the judgment on our akidah,the souls that separated away from the body.It quivering me,even if i scream it echoes back somehow.

This person that appeared firstly on my notification on the worldwide social web,facebook.Woke me from blindness,i have realized a bit from feeling faithless over bunch of pretty and rich human that's totally opposite from me,realized me on how to be free from the sighing soul,on how to lived a life.

I hope there's still faith in me,to continue walk on this road,to find a way out from this maze,Insya-allah.

propaganda .

I just went to movie today with my eyes that didnt rest and my body that can carried a little energy.I went anyhow just to see the hottest vampire movie.I can already senses a fangirlism aura around me on the the ticket counter that runs out ticket quickly for that movie.We made it to buy somehow,but have to crammed our neck in the second row.The fangirlism aura increased when the hero appeared,they giggle and whooing silently with their peers.Heh.

Seriously,i don't favour it much ,i think Vampire Diaries and Trueblood is much better,more aggresive some way,this is too romantic ,i don't think it suites me.I mean,it's a vampire movie but there's no bite scene.I have been a vampire lover since i was standard 6 when these vampire-Edward thing didnt even existed.Bite scences is a must for a vampire story,even in a manga there's at least once,oh come on.I think the book was much better and somehow i love when the starting of that movie.The Shakespeare's quote.I always wanted Julian Casablancas to be a vampire,but he's kinda stoned,but why not?

breaking the boredom.

I hadnt laughed out loud for a while,talked with real human besides my family for a while.The people that wouldnt gets on my nerves,they are much likeably my old friend.
I had the rarest feeling since Jun,the fun,the loud laugh,the easiness.Eventhough it lasts for a while,i have to go to the unfamilliar place,sosial,people and society all this 4 months.Still,it was all momentary.I was touched,grateful that still there's a people who still appreciated me even i'm gone.Thank you human .
















The karouke's.Akma took this without my knowledge,i'm not ready,i was luaghing hard =.= and found that i was on her myspace,ouhh i look hyper and dumb and chubby.I guess i drink a lot of carbonated drink lately,that risen up my adrenaline.I was choosing Seventh Heaven song and it's in kanji =.=,damn.
Still,i hadnt laugh like this,seriously.Somehow,all my uneasiness had flushed away.Pic;Laila and Akma.

mercy.

Phrases after phrases,words after words.
His words in my inbox shred me to tears when i flashed back ,when i felt that i'm like invicible.When i called Aida on midnight,crying over on the phone,when i was isolated and alone while seeing other laughed their self out.I admit it,i hate to be alone back then,to be stared by others like i was just an alien and heard they talking back at me.It strucked my mind back,and left me to tears.

I just found out i got 45 for Math,it was empty like an empty present box,expecting to be like something but empty.Ahhh,who am i to be blamed?

Phrases,

The storm growling in these massive area full with trees swirling and wild winds come from the sea right above my house.The weather turns grey and cold,and the night time turns ackwardly cold and as quiet as a grave,maybe there's many trees surrounding my houses,it's so different than the city.

I'm still sitting in front of the computer,hoping my computer didnt shut down because of the strikes.Playing Romance De Amour in a rainy days,i can't describe it with words how i felt,it's absorbing my sanity at the same time i felt i'm alive.Really i can feel the attachment,though i only can play the part 1.Suprised how the original creator of this piece remain mysteries,he/she must have an enermous talent that can absorbs anyone's soul by just listening to it.I guess this is called an art.

I'm suprised there's actually someone who thinks me with no such word can describe me.I don't know myself either which words could describe me.Well,for most surely i hate to be a center of attraction.Hmmmm.

Random.

Enthusiasted with someone that are much likeably way older than me,his knowledge and perspectives about life impressed me.I don't know which part of me interesting that someone age like him would even said to me.But this is indeed interesting,i've never seen some adults are trying wasting his time on a 14 year old girl that has nothing to do on her holiday school.
But i indeed admire him.For the first time i thought that i'm not the only one who think too much on life.Ughh,am i too young for my totally complex thinking?

Seeing others who just my age.I don't even understand myself.I always speaks to myself "Live your life",but how ,when,where,why or other consequences.To able to breathe freely while spreading my two arm in a high place,seeing the nature's beauty God's created,or some other thing that i can;t even had a chance to do in my entire life.Rather than just clinging myself into streotypes and to be noticed,I wont let my time waste like un-closed tap water pouring,aint I?

Move on,
I spend the cold night with Ili , my lost-long friend that i usually hung out to.She haven't change,the way she talked nor her usual self.We mostly talked about us and us,and people that change when the time flew unknowing us.Ah,i wish to meet her face the face that i recognized well.But we're only connected by our 21st century super convenient tools,the phone.

Wish for your bestest in your SPM tomorrow ,Stranger.Pray for God as He is the creator and the most intelligence and i'll be here if you need a human to talk.And don't ill-fated your faithness,please.