I hate my position in this world.

I hate my father,i hate this freaking house.

Yeah,called me anything you want.I dont freaking care.I hate everything around me.I just hate my father who is being,so narrow minded.The electric bill is 400 this month.And my paremts keep blaming at me.Is there no people who used electric other than me in this house?I mean,i know i used internet a lot.But dont just blaming at me.I just cried a few minutes ago.Why can't i have a father just like Aida's?Or a father that always accepted wht i want him to accepted.I know,i'm not like the lovey dovey type like my younger brother,but please treat me like them.I'm treated just like abandoned children.I just fucking hate this.

Fucking,fucking,fucking.Electric bill cannot afford to pay,dont even wish they will send me to Yamaha Music.Eventhough,how many fucking year i waited.I just only can see the music school from far.I really envy with those girl at the same age as mine that can get wht they want.They can do wht they want,they can used their parents many to go shopping,they can cosplaying and their parents wouldnt care eventhough they wear skirts,they can go to the music school and learn many things,and people called them talented.Wht talent is anyway?Humans borned in the same way,they dont have nature talent or whtever isn it?I mean there is,based on their genes.But,if we make effort on wht we want,we can get wht we wished.When there's a will,there's a way.Everyone said that i have talent ,but they dont know how hard i trained my finger and how i suffered from all those pain.Thts not talent,it's just something that we put effort and we can do it spontaneously.

And singing too,i would like my voice to be so heavenly.But,i cant cuz i born this way.Unless i have a vocal teacher.But it's all about money,i'm talking about.My family cant even afford electric bills and my sister's college.They dont even want to look wht i want ,nor even grant it.It's just fucking hopeless.

Btw,i got taekwando today.And i saw a lot of kakkoi looking guy.There is 2 coaches that i think so good looking.One is teaching me,omg.haha,he did touched my hand.But i think he's married,i mean he looks like a pak cik to me because wellhis bodylaa,a lil bit of fat.Haha.The another one is canadian,i think.Well,of course handsome in many way.But he teach the colour belt.And,and there is one guy that came late,he is same belt as me,well i think he is a basketball guy.Akma told me.Ok topic closed.I've got exam for taekwando for changing belt,but in April kot.And the girl that i called freak,she did talked to me.She was so talkative,i dont even have anything to reply her.Do i look like her sister for god sake??!!!!Okay,i did met ustaz Wahid,and dang he found me tudungless .But he didnt care much i think,and he asked me wether that girl and i are siblings.OMG!!i'm not like her!!!Shitty shit.

I spended my day watching Boys Befoore Flower.And falling in love continously with Ji Hoo.Dang!he's too gorgeous in many way.Saranghaeyo,oppa!

Singing out.

Choral shit---

First of all,

Happy Birthday To YUI-sama !!



Actually,i dont know wht to do for her in this day,i hope that she will success in her music.I will support you!Eventhough lately,i hear Yuna songs,but that's ok.I will addicted to you again after your comeback.And i've just read the forum at YUI-lover ,and they just said that YUI will have a new song called "Again" and is the theme song for the Fullmetal Alchemist anime.I can't wait to hear her new song!!But it's release on June,i guess.

Topic closed.

Choral Speaking,like shit---

Seriously man,our team is like the worst team ever.Last minute practice,and the story is just like 5 years old stories,and the conductor is like soo unskillable.And it turned,hummiliating.But i dont care though,it's not my thing to be deppressed over something like that.

Went to school at 7.30 and waiting for the teacher to go along to the Catholic school.The school was awesome,i really meant it.The building is just soo like the old style.And of course beautiful.They have music club,ANIME club;they sketch thing of course,and other.It's just like soo cool.I really want to go to that school.Just imagine,we have to spend our 5 years at the boring school,with a daamn teacher.Ouuh.

I met Ili,Keerthana,and Azmina since Sri Aman is partipating also.I do talked to them.And it's Ili's birthday,so i wished her.And i said that i will be moving,and they was like "Haaa??!!",haha.Sorry to say this but i really moving at 30 May. Less than 3 months for now.Sorry and sorry.

Akma stayed at my house for a while and mama sent her back.Well,for me she's a okay one.But she really know many "bajet hotstuff" kind of people,and i dont blame her.I'm an anti-social for that kind of people.I really skipped school yesterday,with a good reason of course.The teachers that escotered us said that we can return home.So i returnedlaa,but it's more like skipping to me.

And that's it.I think i want to signing out because i'm tired of typing eventhough there's more to say.

the ending sucks--

I just have finished reading Haou Airen.Seriuosly,i cried at the ending because i dont know it's just too sad.The guy was going to married and was like been shooted by his enemies.That's not fair!I'm not expecting that ending.Damnn that Kaafai.And Hakuron is just so handsomee~~.Okay,guys i warned you this manga has very many sexually content.Okay,i'm not saying i'm a pervert.It's not generally hentai,it's kinda smut.How should i say this,smut is not ecchi nor hentai,it's not in a dirty way.It's more like well kind of more to romance.Yeaah.But pleasee,dont thought i am hentai.I just get woaah when the guy is like unshirt,i was like excited..?Haha ,i'm just fantasizing,really.But really guys,if you just ready to read this kind genre,then okay.But when you're just childish mind and you read it and was like "euuw",then stop it.It's annoyed me.

I watched "Juno" last night,well i love it!It's a people's story.And it's about a teenager decide to take a birth an uneligible child.But,some people may like suicide or depressed but she takes responsibility out of it.Of course she wouldnt bear a child at that age;sixteen.But she search for a family to adopt.And the story has many acoustic songs which i would like to the max.

So tomorrow,school start.Ouhh...Damn!Andi have over and over again hear Cikgu Sani's "saya rotan.." that kind of stuff.Give me a break.And i eventually dont finish up my BM homework,i just get confuse for the pemahaman bla bla bla.And it's 6 am and i'm still typing this shit.Ouuh,i just cant take a blink out my eyes.Hmmm.What should i doo.Luckly,my BM homework is for tuesday.But,ahh i really hate that hellish place i've ever set a foot.

Signing out.

monorail,oh monorail.

So in the end i did go to Times Square with anis and aida,i tell you it was so cibai at the monorail.

Went to LRT and monorail and went smooth at first.And then we just window shopping.I've got to buy a beanie that i've wanted most since i go OU with akma.And the real prize is RM 25 and the guy was so kind and gave me for RM 17.Well,i got the idea from korean drama and as well from anime.And buy along a t shirt for RM 10.And eating at Marrybrown ,but shit we wanted to sit at the swing table,but someone have sit at that place.I saw again a guy last time i said "excuse me!" because he was spacing out when i asked him about menu.haha.Sorry for that,i sometimes can be unpatient.Strolling2 around until my leg can't hold anymore.
We just enter i-socks ,because i wanted to eventhough the shop is kinda creepy with the j-rock stuff.But hey,that's cool.My jrock band that i really like is Antic Cafe because they are cute eventhough the guy is cross dressing.Not really buying anything though cuz the prize is just expensive.

And there was a Game and Anime ,but dont really have many booth and it's boring.But we do get a free magazine.Haha.And we just went to this store that sell many,i mean a whole fangirlism stuff.Seriously,and ofg course those boybandlaa like TVXQ,Super Junior,FT Island etc.And i just saw yamapi's cup.Haha,but i didn buy it,cuz i dont know unworthy,maybe.Saw some hot guys indeed.And he is a cashier at this shop,and Anis said he smells good.Haha,anis,do you smell people by any chance?Hahamyou;re just funnylaa.

Ok,monorail incident.We got to wait 7 train because of the foolish people.And i just cursed so badly haha.And someone scolded aida ,keling mana entah.She really is cibai.And got this man trying to go out the monorail with this big bag in a very critical moment,i feel sorry for Anis.I just cant breathe because people trying to in and out like a human that doesnt eat like a year,i tell you.My face felt really hot and red.I dont know,my skin is just sensitive to pressure.And got this indian guy said "fuck you" to the people that wanted to go out.And went we successed to enter the monorail i just talked at aida and anis how damned people that wanted to go out just now.And he interrupted;"tulah,tadi kita nk masuk tak kasi,tak pyh dia bagi dia masuk" and we laughed.The way he talked tickled me,indeed.

So yeah,it was tiring.And to think that i dont do my homework yet,ouuh.And to my stranger friend, i just read your comment on the shoutbox.What happen?Do you have problems?I always get worried if someone of my friend have problems you know.You can tell me,maybe i can give some advice or anything.

Got to go.Signing out at 5 am.

milo,milo,milo.

Nothing much for today,I just woke up at evening again.Luckly i dont have to pray or anything because i'm on period.Dont have much anything to say.Aida asked me to Times Square.At first,i think i can't make it.But after i asked my mom for a little money.So,she gave me but in condition i helped her to pluck her white hair.Haha.
I've got to woke up at 9 and i hope i can get up,because at that time i started to sleep.So yeah.

Signing up.

bugyah.

It's almost 4.30 in the morning.I wonder when should i sleep.I woke up at 7 in evening.Haha,yeah tht's my habit.So,for tomorrow,it was cancelled.And planned for this saturday.Dont know yet though.I havent called Aida for several days now,maybe tomorrow.And i dont quite sure for the Times Square.I'm terribly broke right now.I just got 5 ringgit.Hehe.Can you believe it?

So,today go to Mydin again.I dont know,my mom always go to tht place.Cheap stuff maybe.
Anyway,Where are you my stranger friend?I havent chat with you for a while now.And you're always offlining.Busy with SPM,perhaps?Well,i better not disturbed you then.But so sorry,if i ever hurt you anything that makes you stay away from me.

By the way,UltimateKai,She's a unique person,indeed.She's posting every video almost about Anime.So i get interested.But i'm suprised that she watched hentai.Uh huh,and she's a girl.Well,human nature i guess.Okay to be honest,sometimes i had a perverted thoughts.Haha.And she's not funny,but she makes it funny.I kinda loved her way.And yeah,her video is available at Youtube.com,people.Check her out especially for those otaku out there,

So,yeah i have started to like Decode song by Paramore.And i kinda liked twilight now.But i havent seen the movie yet.Yes,call me ketinggalan zaman or whatever.But i just started to like them.And i tried to find the book,but its hell expensive and it is so thick.And yeah,for the song Decode i manage to learn them,as for the solo too.Yay for me!first solo i able to play.But for some reason i cant play the rhythm part at the electric guitar.I just dont know,out of tune maybe.

Sayonara.

exhausted,indeed.

Well,people ,

In the end,i finally go to OU with Akma and Laila.But i dont watched Dragonball but somekind of Slumdog Millionaire.It's about people's life,well triple time harder than mine.It's sure a good thing to watched them,but i got bored because the story is so --slow.I woke up like well not so late,eventhough i slept only 3 hours.Because i watched VLOG,her name is ultimatekai.I want to finish up my day first before telling about,can we?

Okay,i wanted to shorten this.Despite that my eyes is getting heavy.Went by akma dad's car and went to mcd and all.Watching that show,and we strolled around mcm nk patah je kaki.Saw some cute chinese guy,haha.And guess wht?NICHOLAS was there.Haha,he play some snooker with some his chinese friend.Well,bla bla bla.The boys like always,annoying as always.And i didnt even know Alissa's boyfriend was there,and i think i'm the last person to know.You know me,i'm kinda slow with gossips because i dont know ,blur i guess.Well,they i always said so.Whtever.I'm suprised,Alissa's type is really a baik one.That's good though.

We had trouble with transport when we returned to our house.Akma's dad isnt at home.Same as me;my parents isnt at home.And Laila is the same.So we tried to take a taxi or bus,but they're not the same destination as us.So,Laila called her guardian,i think.And for like almost half an hour the car arrived.And we're relieved.But before that,i had problemed,cuz the guardian said she cant send me me home because of traffic jam.So,i called my mom and thank god,she's on the way home so she can take me at my school.Laila and Akma said that they will be scolded.And me too,but i guess my family isnt too fierce.I even get to hang out again at this Wednesday.But i dont know,i dont have money right now.

Oh and yeah,i send a post about Ultimatekai later.I just loved her,she's different.

I need to sleep.

dont really have a title,actually.

Existence.
One word people always lack of----me.

Well,my mother been so damn busy about Wafi.She busy all day manage wafi's college something like that.And barely obey my existence.Akma called me,and asked wether i'm going to tomorrow or not.But i dont have transport and my purse is so thin right now.I just wanted to watch Dragonball.But i guess i cant.If i going out,i just follow Aidil,i guess.But i wanted so damn much to go to Times Square,but i guess i cant,because matter of my----Money.Haiihh.

And my desire to performing grew stronger day by day.I've just got one idol added into my idol list besides YUI.And that causes me.But,i guess voices matter.Frankly,i'm not good.I just playing with my fantasy and all that.But really,fantasy cant live out reality.

Hmmmm,i dont actually have anything to say.i need a new skin,indeed.

significant---

It's raining outside,it's so dark and scary.It looks like night eventhough it's only 5 in evening.I don't know if i can online now.Mama and others went to buy groceries.But i refuse to go along.I dont go to taekwando because again my typical problem that is no transport to go.Everyones busy on the saturday.But i just spent the day with sleeping and onlining.I'm lifeless,yes.
Izzat called me;he's my only guy friendsince primary school that still keep in touch.Others is just---well forgot me.But the phone called got interrupt for some reason.

I've been reading my blog's friend that i said that she pissed me out.Well,i just wanna say i'm so sorry,i'm not bad mouthing about you,i just letting out my uneasiness inside me.I still remember what you said to me before your birthday,i'm not forgetting about that.And i know that you have a family problem.If you want me to hear your problem,i sincerely can hear you.So,please dont be so secretive,i'm your friend so i maybe can helped you wht i can,Aidil.So,yeah,i'm just so sorry for my rough saying.

My mom busy watching Akademi Pantatsia.Haha,i'm enjoying to insult that show,it's just so meanigless.And they used music just to gain popularity.Well,as i said music is rotten nowadays.And they dared to use Yuna song.Well,her song Dan Sebenarnya is pretty famous.But i like more of her english song,if you asked me.

So,hmm well i dont know what to say anymore.I can still hearing the rain puring outside my window.And i'm still hearing Yuna song right now.I wanted to play guitar,but it's havent tune and there is no string on the last string.Ouuuh,i cant live without guitar .
Btw,i just make a new words,a new poem;

I sing along with my guitar,
Trying to washed away my uneasiness,
As the rhythm flows my soul,
I just keep singing with passionate.

Well,the truth is my voice is not heavenly.I just wish i can really sing.I really envy with the yuna voice,or yui.And i tried to used this as a song.But i just dont know how to.

I'm out.

syndrome---

Here i am again,to tell my day.

So school ends today,i mean not forever .Just a holiday break.Went normal.Just i have to ride a motorcycle to my club activities.Pn yong gave a math homework.And then quiz at science and recess.On English i have to represent in front of class.Because my teammate force me to.A little bit kekok.Oh well.

My classmate and friends have planned to going out.The boys asked me to watch Dragonball,but i dont know.The girls;aidil asked me to go Sunway Pyramid.But i dont know yet.
Amirah seems want to change herself.She wants to expand her english and asked me to teach her.I'm not that good,but they labelled me so good.The fact,i'm not especially in my grammar.And Amyrah asked me to go to her house to tech guitar,but my classmate says her house surrounding is a bit well tak sihat.I mean a lot of indon,rempit,gay and some other that kind of people.Of course i dont want.And i said to her if she want me to teach her,she have to go to my house.And that's it.

Wafi got 6a's in SPM.And he seems like usual,not happy nor sad.I dont know if he has feeling or not.Heck.
SPM is hell hard,yes.Anybody that got more that 7 a's is genius.I dont know what their brain made of.I've got Taekwando tomorrow.Despite that my hair fringe is so cacat.I'm so regret like hell because i cut it myself.And i think it taked 1 or two month just to get long again.Because i saw some article that says hair can only grow half one cm per month only.Haaish.

Have been reading Vampire Diaries novel lately.Though i've been read it once,but still i pinjam from akma.The story is lke Twilight a little.But i think the book published like 2002 like that.So that's mean Twilight copy from the book.I dont know i just thought.Girls always crazed for Edward Cullen in Twilight.And says Vampire is so hot.But heck,i know that vampire is hot since last year.No biggie deal, man.And as always,Vampire Diaries is so delicious as ever.Well,the main character is so full of misery and secretive.But still,so beautiful as ever.I know i just read it,no picure or sortever,but i can imagine.And i dont want to say that i'm a pervert or what,but i dont know i feel like woooaah when the kissing scene and the bitting scene.Is that weird?I feel like oh my god,i wish that handsome vampire will bit me cuz i'm not dying to donate a little of my blood.Haha.

I'm out.

shit---

Hi.Sorry i didnt update so long.

I'm fed up with my internet connection.It's really gotten worst.The connection is slow and when i waited soo loong it says "connection interrupted" again.How stupid is that.I really thought Wiimax is a lot better than Streamyx.But it's a lot dumber.Ahhh,babi---

So today is Canteen Day at my school,hope to eat last year's Carbonara but i cant.Well,when i wanted to buy food all shop is closed and out of stock.What the heck.Must've been the Form 1 finish it up.Daamn.Speaking about form 1,Zakhwan wants the girls to go along next week.I dont know about that,but i really wanted to watched Dragonball Evolution.Cuz i know i cant watch it with Aida because Aida wouldnt like that kind of story.Haha.And i dont mind ,really.Lot of girls who dont watch anime wouldnt interested in this kind of story since it's based on the anime.But my classmate Imran said he wants to.But i dont know if i follow them or not.

Akma asked me to though,but she wants to hang out with her crush also.I dont know about that,you see i have problem with people that i dont know.People like in myspace who wore fashionable clothe and social a lot.I'm not like that.I dont care people called me not socializing with outside world or whatever.I'm just being myself,you see.
And since akma is social type of girl,i'm not quite sure about that.I dont want to be categorized like Akma.But i'm not hating her.In fact,i like to talked to her.I dont know ,really.I figured out myself later.

Got new student at my class,her name is Xiu Ting if i'm not wrong.Well,i do said hi to her cuz everyone greet her.Well,at least i said something right.But she's a bookworm and a quite type.Despite that i'm a loud type but just some times and in class only.
Haven't i already told you?
Yeah,i nearly forgot.Last saturday,there is Taekwando.And woaah,the guy that taught me is pretty good looking,I think that he's a mix.But he'as a bit fatand a bit old to me.So,nevermind---
=.='.And i've got no transport and freaking me out and i dont have syiling to called my mom.I go in a rush cuz i woke up late and there i am, stucked in trouble.But thank god,someone so good hearted and soo soo well kind has helped me.Her name is Intan form 3 i guess.She's in the same bus as i am last year,and particularly i know her.So,i just asked her like "Duduk ss7 ,kn?"and then she say yes .And a couple of second i asked her whether i can take a lift or not.Then she automaticly say yes.Thank goodd!i thought i walk to home.But i dont speak much with her since i dont really know her then.WEll,she does talk to me ,asked me like that.And closed story.

Crush,crush,crush.Ok,i meet new guy!His name is Nicholas and he is Form 4 and he is prefect.He has a baby face and when he's smile;i melt.Ok dot.Well,i think he is pretty popular,Alissa has liking him last year and i started liking him this year.But ,i dont want to keep hope anymore!!
I'm just tired of liking and letting them go without effort of mine.It just isnt fair.Reality is being unfair.I'm not pretty,i'm not smart.And people like that wouldnt looked at me even once.And i just have to accept that i dont have any special boyfriend in my entire life.And that's it.I don't have money to go saloon to fixed me up right,or even surgery.Ooouuhh.

Nothing much happened.My brother;Wafi will get his SPM result tomorrow.I wonder how much he will got.And yeah,Aida's sister also,rightt?Well,best of luck.Just pray for god and that's the only solution.

Ok,closed.

bitter.

I'm so emotional nowadays.It's because of my exams resultlt.I got B a lot and a D.I'm not stressing about that,just i'm the lowest mark in class and i'm afraid that my kedudukan kelas will decrease.And i dont want that happen,i may labelled stupid.I am though.As long as i maintain from 10 to 20.It's more than enough.Well,to be frank i almost cried but i just dont.Cuz i'm just tired feeling all sad and depress like this.
this.I didnt expect my BM will get the highest,i'm not showing off but i'm surprised.Maybe because i do solat hajat night before the exam.God's power,yes.Well,alhamdulillah.But it's only 76 no biggie deal.I wanted to get at least one A though.To think of it,my other subject is just sucks.I wish my English is A.And yeah,tomorrow i will get my Science paper.I think i will get a C or a D or maybe fail.Who knows.I think i need to attend tuition,i'm not paying attention to my studies.

I return to my own self lately.Hearing screamo song.Well,for some people they might think it's noisy.But it's rather enjoyfull especially when i'm in stress mood.Imran had influences me a lot.
But of course,i wouldnt be like my own self,who is almost in emo mood 24 hour and dressed emoishly.That's just immature because we are humans.Every humans have to go through that situation like being sad,in problem.It's a process to growing up.We just have to face it,calmly and just following the rhythm of life.Owh shit,i'm lecture like an old makcik .But yeah,i tried to train myself for being a positive person.Cuz i've been thinking negatively lately.Just don't kill yourself,people.Many people wanted to live in the war at Gaza.While we killing ourself.That's not right.

So that's it , sometimes i really annoyed with my friends.I dont want to said her name cuz she might realize and let her realize herself.She been shouting and not talking properly.And she doesnt really treat me nicely while she's with another friend of her.That's fake.Aini also has mentioned about her attitude.Well,let see when she will stop this attitude.Cuz i might get pissed and angry so much that no one ever see me so mad if she still keep this attitude.

Zakhwan and Imran others invited me to go hang out at OU when the March holiday.But Zakhwan intend to asked the form 1 girls to go along.HELL NO! I hate my junior,cuz they are annoying and seems like wanted to get attention from the senior.Like those freaaking ad*****,ne*** and those kind of girl.Akma hated them too,ans she asked to hang out seperately if they invited them.I dont know,i'm afraid Akma will bring along her famous;preppy and i will be so damn dont-know-what-to-do and i feel like i'm not suitable for that kind of group cuz i hated them.But no,i dont hated Akma though.I'll think about it cuz i planned to go times square with aida and going to sunway lagoon.I just dont know,too many suggestion.I just think about it later.

I guess i talked too much.this post is really long i guess cuz i haven't revies my life in this whole week.