Suddenly i see.

Piles and piles of exercise and reference book on my table,honestly i didnt know where the heck to start.I'm soo gonna insane,i just can't wait to be free from exam and i will not go to school straight after that,like heck i care.

I'm just gonna study what i can and i don't care anymore after that.I don't care the results and so on.I'm just doing what i can.
Indeed,the forceness of me to accept that kind of words to ease myself are so showed up,ain't i?
Yeah,i know,say whatever you want.

I indeed feeling a bit calm,after those long talk with her.I just have to be grateful ,at least there's one or two person that totally understand me.Yes,i have to open my eyes and just accept thing,and pray to god.
He's just all the mighty.

It's not you,it's not me.

I'm tired of this,i'm tired of feeling numb again and again.

I speak in my mind,closing my eyes ,tried to hold the tears from welling up.My friend just a desk before me,chattering and talking.Unknowingly realized me,i took a pen and a blank paper and vomited my emotion on it.I scratched it,scratched vigorously,and tore them to pieces helplessly.
I felt helpless.


All those stares and judges that the foolish people have ever existed squeezing me ,tore me into pieces.Is it not enough with my life that's torturing,why are you adding the flavour?!Please leave me alone.I'm just sick of you talking back at me,cursing me on my artbook.Don't you had enough torturing me with you're rubbish society.What a low-minded you ever have.Isnt it not enough that my mom force me to adapted this kind of place ,this kind of society.I didnt ever disturb you;re freaking life.Please leave me fucking alone.

God,if i known this ,i wish i've never been born at all.I always escaped from reality by sleeping,it makes me calm.But little did i know,it have been better if i never woke up ,just drown into those dreamy dream and after the lullaby sang.And had never woke to face those people,those tiring unsincere days.Never felt faithless and lost under the surface.

omgeeee ~

Found him in a bunch of manga in my messy shoujo bookshelf.What a tempting.

owh sweet sweet exams =.=

The greatest bom atom Hiroshima is hitting with tension wildly,confused,and disoriented.Final exams coming like 2 weeks more.I bearly didnt know anything,as the noise in the class that's driving the wrong attention instead of the teacher,the great sleepiness i hardly bear, and the feeling of reject for focusing really make my interest go dim.

I hardly recognize im actually wake nowadays,i slept a lot and found myself woke up at 4 am.But somehow,the tempting of the computer and the guitar educe me out.

My actual close friend at school,keep telling me how strange i am compare to the people in this place,this school.She said they are typical,caring their beauty and gossiping.I rather sat in my place,think deeply alone and imagining than join them with their non-upgrading minded,and so i thought.
And also,i didnt understand the stares that he gave me everytime we bump each other,he's just a typical playboy that seeks for lust that is all.

I miss Aida,her cheer laugh and smile that makes my day,the courage that always make me think rasionally.I wonder,in the next 10 years or so ,would we still in this current relationship?I'm not doubting her,but times change us all.

Huuhh-,if this entry column really alive,it must be tired of me whining over 150 post.Those entry i made,most of them are unhappy.I cant go out from that cage,that nest that trapped me down,yes reality sometimes can be tiring.Will there be any of the opposite one of it,someday,somehow?

hmm,what a punishment.

"No internet after midnight!".

She slamed the door hard letting me stoned and numb staring the checkered floor and sighed deeply.She choose the stern action over me.Jeez.

And so i've been cared with full discipline because of my no-sleep-onlining amnesia.I dont like to be control though.But wht else cn i do?

Going to school with typical mood,and typical situation ,and typical people.My friend for a sudden storied about death and world ends,and it totally make my hair stand.Frankly,i dont want to die.
Even if i hate my reality,i dont want to feel the painful of the separating soul and body,and have to go through all alone.And the punishment for the sin that i have done.I cnt let go my enermous fear of it.



:] cool.

street performance

YUI-街頭演唱Feel My Soul @ Yahoo! Video

YUI-街頭演唱Free Bird @ Yahoo! Video

I'm wondering where could i perform on street around PJ/KL,i really want to try though.

hmmmm.

I dnt know why lately,people came to me and tell their problem.I dont mind instead im glad to be a listener.I guess that's why i'm interested to be a psychologist.
Nothing much story,went to Aida's place playing her old toys,Barbie.Haha.Went dinner ,i cant believe i ate a lot.

picpicpic.

sorry not mch light.well well,this is the handsome figure i owned.

we all die anyway.

"Therefore glory be to Him in Whose hand is the kingdom of all things, and to Him you shall be brought back."

-Surah Al-Yasin.

Life for rent.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Covering myself with a blanket,turn off my air-cond,set the fan to the lowest temperature.
Still,i shivered,hair on my body stand,my voices crack a bit.


With my pajama that have been presented by my late grandmother,i slept all day.
And so i thought that i hate fever yet i love it because i can take a day off from school and the best reason that have existed.


I've been opened a crevices,secret,shames that has existed in myself to several people.
How i can't let go from that enticement that i inhabit.
I should stop,i just know how sinful the act that luring human being to do it.

And sometimes i listen to the evil side instead of the angel's that as if arguing the both sides of my head.Whispering me again and again.

__________________________

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try

mingled.

Coghing,spin my head again and again.
For a sudden a headache and tonsel struck me,as if a candy stuck in my throat,my head spinning ;bizarre.
this is my fault either,staying up late until i was known that i hadnt get a sleep at all and ended up sleeping at geo's.
Finals's in three weeks.A hole chapter for form 1 and 2 for Geo and Sejarah to conquer;head falls knocking the keyboard.

---------------------------
Smell of pine wood,the body's shiny reflects of my pendaflour lamp ,6 string on the body.
Ahh,the greatness feeling receiving new boyfriend,new playmate;new Guitar.
I'm still getting used to it though the fret and string is kinda deep,i just found out that my old guitar is classical 8D.

i'll post the pic later,sorry aida !X)



Vampire Knight's.

upcoming --

I'm surely gonna attend for this.

Review from the past days.

I went out a lot recently and ended up not updating my blog.


I went out as usual best-friend-outing kind of stuff,there's a technical error made by fcking TGV,and Aida have to pay twice because she dnt want to refund because of some reason,you know the underage-not-trustful kind of stuff.

Last Thursday,
I can't believe myself either,i travelled from my house to Town Melaka that needs 1 hour to reach with only a taxi that happened to share with some bangla because it's cheap,i know some of you must say i'm too daring ,and an old rusty and shaking bus.But i've been lectured by my mom later on by how dangerous it could be with just me and my friend.

If only things could get easier if
All those common feelings would
Fade to nothing all the more by saying nothing

Exchanging insufficient feelings
Growing cold after having warmed up
I believe that can't be how it is
Just how long will I take upon myself
Lies and sighs, so many that I can't support them?

-Split

ragged.

I missed Math today because of some speeches about some sex education because i heard someone's from form 1 caught kissing in school,pffft school have to take action i guess.
And teacher showed us some pictures of baby thrown in the toilet with blood's all over.What a sinful parent,i hope there will be no space in heaven for them.
Masya-Allah!

Just another typical day,Nabilah didnt came and her openhouse extend to next week.My classmate asked me to go to Mahkota Parade this PMR holiday,i guess i will go because i want to watch Tsunami.

Till then.

Pessismistic.

Humming,tapping,playing with my hair just to entertain my bored 2 am self.
My mom's loud voice and my brother's chatter died away into the silent of night.

Sitting in the corner of the room with laptops,the tick of sound echoes my ears amplifier.
Currently melting myself in my own reality,i swim into an ocean of fantasies,drooling myself over unrealistic bishies with an earphone with Yuna's Backpacking Around Europe in a full volume,humming together with guitar on my knees.
Typical me.

Rolled myself with my comfortable red-bearprinted IKEA's blanket that i always dreamed at science class,and laughed myself alone with no reason.I always did that , i wonder why .

Normal typical school days,
Fatin and Nabilah seems nice to me eventhough they're not as fun as my old classmate.They're kinda matured and seems know what they do.And me,i'm opposite,i seems unaware by that because i dont know ,i can't be my true self?Maybe just maybe.
And tomorrow it's Nabila's openhouse,i helplessly can't say no,so like yeah i'll just go.

Aida's having trouble,if i'm able,i eager to help her.But what am i,i'm just a helpless human who can't do anything due to distance of venue.I just can say my apology.

Long good sleep.

Weekends.
I had a long good sleep and a whole night doing what i want.
I read the most cared,most trustful person's blog, given named by her mother when she's first came out from her mother's womb,Aida.I'm somewhat hurt seeing her unhappy and not being the usual happy go lucky with her animated laugh.And it disturbed me,so i phoned her,doing what i can.I hope she's doing well with her life.

My mom always complained living here,with a society that giving the first priorities for ranking in this soldiers housing area.My mom's personality much just like me.

So i have no interesting thing to vomit.I should stop here and doing my wanted by teacher's homework.

Blood related?

My mom just said i inherited from my late grandfather,who is kind of artistic person.He played an organ and plays several old malay drama.I never knew that.
Nothing much happen,i went out again today with my family.I called Aidil,i missed her damn much.I dont know why someone told me she's change,to me she's the same person i knew.

I dont understand woth myself lately.I confused and lonely.I always want to experience new and not something ordinary.And i hate myself who always daydreamed and get nothing out of it.

Ridiculous thought.

I stare at the guitar that stood still at the corner of the room,
How does it like to be tht object?
Being played and displayed,
Produces beautiful sound.

Dear mrs.black brown guitar,
I wish you can speak to me and being my trusted friend,
who can love me and always paying attention to me,
who tenders me.

Please speak to me.

An Art again.

Life's like a manga,

Have you ever wants to be in a manga or a story where you being as a main character?.Eventhough how much personality you have,even you're not special,you happened to be in a scene.
That's what i thought this whole time,imagining and imagining many things even it's worthless.

I went out with my family,eating Mcd's.I n-e-e-d,i mean i really NEED to sharpen my skill , eventhough i have conquered the basic i have to train my fingers to higher level.
I'm being optimistic last night until i didnt get too much sleep playing Romance De Amour pieces.And i get to play it but only halfway of the song,it's so damn hard my fingers almost bleeding,i really need a vampire-bishies to lick it.Gaaah~

My mom reported to me,she got complained from others teacher that i daydreamed too much,i have blank expression,i'm totally bluur.Since my mom working on the same school,i have to endure it.It's simple,i dont have friends that's why i acted like that,it cant be helped,doesnt it?Besides,my imagination level is so high.

Otakus and cosplayer are so much differents huh?I mean the cosplayer are more happening than a normal otaku.Eventhough their interest is the same.Well,thts wht i thought.

I have no mood to do poetic-like post.Please bear with me.