uphills

If only i could be a hardworking girl,struggling like mad to strive straight A's.

I'm totally opposite , spending 3/4 of my life sleeping or onlining waiting for someone to actually talk to me.Maybe the image of me when i was 12 comes to life again when i will getting the results on December,maybe from then onwards i have no such hopes to succeed.

I have a bad condition with my friend , well i already knew her true nature.And no,it is so immature to argue over ridiculous things or small matters.She purposely made it complicated .I knew who i am , don't ever ever judge me.Fine i tell you.

Teachers expect too much from me yeah the "teacher's daughter" .They will surely seeing me with hopeless eyes when I would not getting straight A's when i get the results back in the future.

Trial is very very near,i couldnt wash away my worriedness ,which i dont even have the inisiative to ease at all.bleghhh.

/sigh.I felt like running as fast as i could,just to feel the sweats or the air.

Collapse

collapse,collapse.I don't know how to keep me awake in this tiresome school days.I collapse after i arrived home and found myself waking up at 3 am with i'm-not studying-anything- and -felt -scared- because -trial -is -near kind of feeling.Even my stomach did not filled with anything that makes it growl so badly.

Mama is busy with all the moving form,changing school form whatsortever and i felt she dont feel a single bit worried about my PMR like she used to worried when my upper siblings had.Frankly,i need her worriedness and forcefulness to keep me alarmed to study.I need the urge.

I fucking pissed of with some people actually,who makes their ego and selfishness their priorities.

How can i accept people who can't accept me?and i'm kind of shocked with some boys here that straightly disturbed the sensitive issues of women.I accept that naive opinion,it's true somehow.But he's not exposed in outside world yet,he didnt know anything.And why give the stereotypes label on me?Indespicably naive and shallow.But hmm,i only can express my thoughts of them here or inside my box of mind.But sometimes,people are just judgemental , i cant stop that somehow.

The tears felt cold,as i closed my eye,maybe my face felt hot after not having a cry for a while.

The song keep repeating the sorrow melodies for as long as i can remember.

The conversation ended ,while my emotions are squeezing my tears out.Maybe I needed this,

some of these makes me strong.

I wonder why,I did not shows my emotion much ,but it's different this time.Maybe he has a soft side,that even my stubborn heart can soften.

Maybe i should really know what my purpose in this world.To be a better person,endure every experiences and makes me stronger.

Sometimes i'm feeling like i'm the only one ,that existed.Well,sometimes i still felt lefted after so long we've met.I too,still confused of what i'm really am to you.Maybe i have to depend on my solitudeness.Maybe this is what the life is.When we parted in a junction,it's all ended.

My 'everyday' friends are just not worth it sometimes.Threatening like i'm a doll.Maybe the idea of bringing my diary to school is just a foolish or trying to put some faith to them ,pretty nonsense.

All they know is my smile,those smiles.

I'm patheticly ease myself with some shoujo manga ,silently hoping that i am the main character.sheesh.

I WANT HARMONICAAA !!!!!!!!

I found myself in bed sleeping like a lazy hog and numerous times lefting prayers lately.sigh.Keen to revise books everyday but failed,tiredness overcomes me.
My mood seems dimed.If only i could travel and throw all the material worlds and gain experiences out of it,instead just trapped in a boring routine.

I felt quite at peace when in the evening i will sit in the balcony where the wind breeze calmly from the sea ,just above from my house.Watching the big trees , and kept wondering.This is the only thing that calm me at this place,this place where i used to be lonely since i moved here.It's a shame i will move out soon,and i will forget all the peace and that's the only thing i love about here and faced the factory and highways.hmmm.

hawt.