Aku lalang, terumbang ambing malam dan siang. Duit macam air di padang pasir yang kering kontang. Suara yang terngiang ngiang, cinta putih keluarga yang curang, pudar kepercayaan dari seseorang dan lampu malap yang dulunya terang benderang.
I was a spoiled teenagers, everything from my educations to my tampons on my first day I got period my late mom was there and take cares of me, I never knew this stage of life will happens to me. Now I'm almost 18 and she leaves this world without me ever feels ready, and a dad that remarries leaving all behind, and a rejected university applications, and a daily money that is too little to survive.
I begin to ponder whats there in life?Why for a sudden everything is gone? What did I do wrong?
All those sleepless nights I've been asking, playing like an old record the back of my mind.
I never blame god however, I cry in front of Him and ask Him to lighten the burdens I felt if my life meant to be windy.It's just that how do I deal with sadness? How you can handle this uttermost depression like everythings fall apart? Is there still hope? Will my life gets better? Will I ever be happy? I'd rather be numb than to feel pain but I didnt feel numb because pain penetrates every goddamn inches.
