Aku tak faham kenapa propaganda lebih berkuasa daripada kebenaran yang sahih. Kita still tak sedar , tak buka kelopak mata sendiri untuk mencari kebenaran yang merayau di sekeliling kita .

Ya , aku tak mengaku yg aku ni betul je 24/7 , tapi dunia sekarang memang dah tercemar. Orang je tak sedar dengan media yang banyak memanipulasi kita ,membutakan kita . Bukan semua indah , hanyalah kiasan mata untuk realiti yang membahang , yang mencekik.

Aku tengok lautan orang dekat bandar ni macam pelakon , stage diorg adalah kehidupan diorg sendiri . Remaja adalah climax dalam sesuatu plot kehidupan . Mengharungi arus yang semakin deras , melemaskan. Di mana , pada masa tu kita mencari identiti kita sendiri , sesat dalam tarikan peer pressure. Ironiknya , aku bercakap tentang diri aku sendiri . Yes , aku memang sesat sekarang ni , dan aku ingin dijumpai.

*This is for you Farah Farif! haha nak sangat aku post entry dalam malay ,haha rasa mcm

A. Samad Said kejap *flips hair* tehehee

Violet Hills- that song surrounds me with some sense of dark aura , frustration of how media and politicians manipulate us. Where war seems to be the dice when future architectured.

This song reminds me of my dad , being a soldier to feed the family, for the sake of the leader's pointing finger. Citizens's voice are somehow inaudible.

When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

Sometimes people around me is such a bitch. Judgement seems to be their language without looking at their own reflection . Some says that I'm monotonous even when I'm laughing , the good thing about being expresionless is I can hide my feeling very well , a good liar in my own pool of silence.

I'm too ego to even compliment people. And why do I even break the walls , the boundaries to the expresionless puppet?

ö

My nerves are poles that unfroze.

Boldness owns , when the nerves are wrecked.Bestowed upon weary feelings.When love seems to be a pricetag and appearance seems to be the weight , let me sink with my own self . Hollowed out by unfold dreams , where it melts away into the deep night. Bury me in hopes when uncertainty stinging clear. The lies that so real it populates. It speaks.

Cut all the ropes and let me fall.

I'm not worthy ? thanks.

See You Soon -Coldplay

Hearing this songs in the rainy days . I imagined that I'm in those classic black and white film , where I sat in a car watching the trees passed by , reminiscing.

If I could write thousands of letter just to vomit my feeling , I would . But it will returned back after all , like gravity.I'm acting like a bulletproof , while I'm just as fragile as ever.

Okay , no more false hopes . I'm tired of it.

I never seriously love someone , The weight of attaching to someone is too heavy ,this is how my heart behaves.

I often thinks that i'm stuck between two types of peers or clique. I am a versatile indeed , I befriended with all kind of peoples . I embrace my open-ness and littered away the shallowness.

I hanged out with most of the boys lately , their carefree attitude and the jokes that seems to be laughing machine are really giving me the ease compare to girls nonetheless . I would not have to mind my language or jokes that seems to be offensive . But of course , as a girl I have my limitations

I want to fly , but gravity still holds me

The Lovely Bones .

I was struck with the spilled emotions which the film delivers , which succesfully makes my tears shed.The uplonging pain of murder,the separations with the love ones . And then came the part when it shows the illustration of heaven .The massive colours of nature ,when birds flew magnificiently , enjoying the timeless second, the beauty is indeed unspeakable.

You should watch this movie ,it teaches us to cherish the life while we still have it.

I was perhaps thinking that it was rather perpentually ,infinity waiting for this nearly 2 blasphemy pages speech to end. Literally , I admired the theme , but the overflowing of guts that it needs was swallowing me down .

It was bad enough when I was selected for the first girl ever to be given speech . There was no face I knew , no lights of familiarity that would perhaps calm my nervousness down.

You had to speak with enthusiasm, show the world you are capable , you are worth it was all my inner-self whispered to me. The inner-self helped me , at least it did .

I climbed the stage , carefully watched my steps , as I knew clumsiness is a part of me .

At first , the mic was not working , second try ;none , third try; my voice audibled.

I read the speech like the news-anchors without any gestures whatsortever . I was indeed blinded by my own fear .

The text flew from the podium , I took it greedily .Embarassed flushed. Thank god it didnt flew far. I continued , made some pronounciation mistakes and the list goes on and ended up with "thankgodit'sfinish"-Thank-you.

Abah did not quite happy I did not win . He was afterall the one who wrote the speech , putting some fierce-military-words , and teached me how to speak like a roaring waves . sigh / when is my turn to make them proud for something on me?

When sometimes I want to voice out my thoughts ,deliver messages through out the people ; my voice is somehow inaudible . Writings is my only weapon nonetheless , that's why speaking was never my thing.

I've tried my best , it was an experience nonetheless :)